Rebuilding Crystal Palace

[leenewham]

I used to have a sense of humour, but I must have lost it because I find this last post rather distasteful, unfunny and rather sad to be honest.

I'm not in favour of building a smaller Crystal Palace on the site of one of the most important buildings ever built but I have met some of the people who are involved in it and they mean well.

Also making the headquarters of this 'spoof' the cinema in Crystal Palace isn't exactly helpful to the campaign to save the cinema, which I do fully support.

Respectfully D.O.C. can I suggest in the cold light of day you reconsider your posting?

[bigbadwolf]

Blimey, Duke of Clarence.

Next time you parody WW2 can you just keep it to: Never in the field of planning permission has so much been opposed, by so many, against so few.

Danke.

[Duke of Clarence]

O dear, there's just no accounting for taste is there? My humble apologies to Lee and anyone else who may have been offended by my last post. Promise not to post any more distasteful spoofs, shame cos I'd just written Nuremberg the Sequel!

[bigbadwolf]

Behave yourself, Duke of Clarence. No offense taken.

So, come on, lets be avin' part zwei.

[Duke of Clarence]

Okey dokey Wolfy, how about this instead:

J-PAX BITES BACK: A THOROUGHLY MODERN PAXTON
With current plans for the re-invigoration of our beloved CP being championed and chastened into the ground, news that a leading young architect is intending on making a spectacular move to the area could provide the inspiration we all need to return CP back to the world stage.
Joseph Paxton IV (he insists we call him by his hip hop moniker, J-PAX) has spent the last six years at the Sorbonne Centre Of Excellence In Urban Development, winning acclaim for his stunning design of the new wing at Le Grand Palais. The French press have christened it the ‘Graffiti Wing’. Jean Claude Bon Oeuf of Le Monde proclaimed;
“It’s fusion of parlour and spray paint friendly grey concrete. Foster-like use of moulded glass composite provides us with the clearest vision yet of the future of urban building design. It satisfies one’s aesthetic and functional expectations, while providing much needed space for creative expression to our younger citizens.”
J-PAX has now set his sights on ‘bringing it home for my brothers and sisters of Crystal Palace’. Over lunch in the private room at Joanna’s last week J-PAX explained.
‘I been checkin’ me great great great great man’s place out all me days man and I gotta say I is well vexed. Me forefather was a vision man. He was not all about takin’ da brothers back to the future, know what i’m sayin’? All dem people wantin’ to ape what he done back in dem Victorian times; that ain ‘t progression. That’s REGRESSION. You hear me blood?’
J-Pax reached below the table and produced a packed file with elaborate drawings of his ‘vision’ of the future for the area. The drawings revealed a structure of giant grey concrete cubes topped with smaller glass cubes. The effect resembles a stark giant LEGO like structure. It looks beautiful on paper. What grabs the attention straight away though are the words IMAX / WARNER CINEMA VILLAGE.
I challenged him on this controversial inclusion. His response is typically forthright.
‘I spent 6 years watching them high and mighty slooooooooooow French films man. I KNOW that ain’t the S**T we need. Da man George Lucas is plannin’ a 3D remake of episodes 4 to 6 of the Star Wars Saga. He’s sayin’ Episode 4 will be out in 2012, exactly the same time I see me J-CUBE being finished. We gonna team up and nounce our arrival in me great great, great, great, man’s hood with a joint opening of da BEST film in history. Nuff said.’
Also included in the plans are a giant indoor skate park and a graffiti wall which has a sliding glass door allowing indoor / outdoor functionality. The biggest of the concrete cubes is earmarked as an urban music ‘super club’. J-PAX then lists at length artists he already has commitment from to ‘take the gig to the heights of Central South London.’.
‘I gotta line up that’s gonna put this place on da map put da CRYSTAL right back in da Palace ; there’s Skag Man, DJ Ridgeback, DJ Skunk, Angel Delight and Robbaz, Skreeeem, they’re ready man. They is cranking up dem choons. It’s gonna be sick.’
Early signs are that J-Pax has the ear of councillors in all the relevant boroughs, Bromley councillors being the most vocal in their support. A source who, due to the complexities of managing opposing planning applications, wishes to remain nameless said
“Joseph’s ideas are an inspiration. They’re affordable, promise huge inward investment and, most importantly truly reflect the needs of Bromley residents going forward.”
For more information on the J-PAX CUBE please call Bromley council Central South London planning dept, CSLPD.

[bigbadwolf]

And here we have 'da man' himself. Though to be honest, he doesn't inspire much confidence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssdUrZWL7O8

Back to the drawing board, Duke of Clarence.

[Duke of Clarence]

And here we have 'da man' himself. Though to be honest, he doesn't inspire much confidence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssdUrZWL7O8

Back to the drawing board, Duke of Clarence.

Wolfy you are right about J-Pax being uninspiring but since when has that stopped an architect? Watch out Sydenham because I came across the following in one of the building industries' leading magazines, Future Living, that I found underneath my drawing board.

Sydenham the Nagasaki of South London:

Proposals to transform Sydenham into the Nagasaki of South London are in the pipeline. The company behind the scheme, Shiotsuka, claims to have political and commercial backing and is in the process of submitting a planning application to Lewisham Council. However the news may come as a bit of a bombshell to the rest of the community as the thrust of the scheme is to redevelop the entire area beginning with the bulldozing of the High Street and surrounding residential roads. Compulsory Purchase Orders will be placed on all premises and the works will begin in earnest once the application is approved.

Shiottsuka director Professor Ming Maki Ando studied architecture in his home town of Osaka. Ming's studying was very unusual. "I was never a good student" he confessed. "I always prefered learning things on my own outside of class. When I was about 18, I started to visit temples, shrines and tea houses in Kyoto and Nara; There's a lot of great traditional architecture in the area. I was studying architecture by going to see actual buildings as well as reading books about them."

One of Ming's most inspirational architectural influences is Helmut Von Schumacher, the man with the plan to turn Crystal Palace into the Nuremberg of South London. When Ming got wind of that scheme his thoughts immediately went downhill to Sydenham. In order for Schumacher's vision to be realised the Sydenham High Street needed to be widened to allow 8 lanes of traffic to flow freely. Ming came up with the Nagasaki proposal to create a quattro carriageway. The New Crystal Palace Egress would be flanked by rows of multi-storey mixed-use buildings. Retail, residential, restaurant, office, licensed and leisure zones would sit side by side, underneath and on top of each other, to make space for the NCPE Superhighway.

One of the redeeming features of this design are the mobile law enforcement units that come in a range of colours and response codes enabling them to attend crime scenes in a swift and appropriate manner, arresting, processing and incarcerating criminals at the crime scene.

Further information can be found at www.pieinthesky.co.thenam

[John Greatrex]

I have recently had the pleasure of discovering the above correspondence. Thank you to all the contributors for their heartfelt and sincerely held opinions concerning the parkland abutting Crystal Palace Parade.

Should you wish to keep updated with regard to my hopes of ‘Rebuilding Crystal Palace’ please go to the Joseph Paxton Society Facebook page and follow the updates since 2008 when the Paxton Crystal Palace Corner, cast by the Barr & Grosvenor Iron Foundry, Wolverhampton, was erected by CPF Construction Ltd with the help of, amongst many others, the Crystal Palace Museum staff and members of the Norwood Society.

Alternatively, or in addition, just phone me at Coventry 2021 U.K. City of Culture for a chat.

Best wishes.....John Greatrex......07422 508979